


I’ll be your Dostoevsky, if you’ll be my Tolstoy.

by NightingalesAndHandGrenades (NightingalesAndLions)



Series: Queer as Easy [1]
Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, San Francisco, The 80s AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-05-04 09:47:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5329598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightingalesAndLions/pseuds/NightingalesAndHandGrenades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Richard Winters joins the army in the 1980s to serve his country. He meets a group of guys and they learn to trust each other, becoming a brotherhood of men. He also meets one Lewis Nixon and falls in love.<br/>Sexual revolution, joy, sadness and fear follow them from the army to New Jersey and later to San Francisco before the disaster of the decade trucks their little community and tries their patience, their strength and their love for each other.<br/>They are with each other 'til the end of the line.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Spirit of the Eagle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gemfyre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemfyre/gifts), [Purrdence](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purrdence/gifts), [Gilove2dance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilove2dance/gifts), [mols](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mols/gifts).



> Thank you to Gilove2Dance, Purrdence, Gemfyre, Mols and all my other people for support and encouragement while I re-wrote this and actually made it more readable. I hope you like it.
> 
> Here is music for inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Cw1ng75KP0&list=PL5A7D9F9295489ADA

"Before we knew how to halt it, it was already with us." 

Dick Winters knew that being in the military was what he had always wanted to do. Coming from a small town and strict upbringing, it just seems like the right thing to do. Serving in the parachute regiment proves that he’s made the right choice. Hi mother is teary eyed and his father looks proud even if no mother wants her son to go to war. They try to talk him out of it because there is no war he needs to be fighting but Richard has decided. If there is no war now, there will be some in the future and he wants to serve his country. 

Training is tough and tests his resolve, making him faster, stronger and more determined than ever. Being an officer makes Dick learn a whole new set of skills. Skills, he knows, he might never use outside of a combat zone. The feeling of experiencing that first thrilling fall towards the ground, watching it come closer and closer makes his body pump adrenaline and make him excited beyond measure. As soon as he realises everyone is jumping and his own turn is coming closer and is going to be very soon, he panics a little before taking a deep breath and reminding himself that "Fear is temporary, achievement is permanent". 

He meets Lewis Nixon on his first day in the Officer Candidate School. Fort Benning is different from Lancaster but Winters enjoys the challenge that is the Officer school. Nixon soon becomes a constant presence in Dick’s life and Winters is equally amused and annoyed.

There is something charming and magnetic in the way Nixon dismisses the rules and regulations, how he manages to smuggle alcohol in his morning coffee and yet doesn’t get caught. When Dick points that out while they are walking side by side to the mess hall, Nixon just shrugs but his grin is all teeth and his eyes sparkle. He comes from money and Yale education, yet they grow closer while on tactical training and classroom exercise in military tactics. They eat their meals together and spend time apart only when the duties make them. Eventually nobody is surprised anymore and it soon becomes evident – if you want to find one, find the other one.

One by one he meets the guys of his company. They come from all across the states and bond through mud, sweat and tears. He learns their names slowly and tries to remember them all in one go, failing miserably and eventually gives up. There are guys whose names just stick and then there are ones which he has to make himself remember. The closest bunch forms throughout the basic and all through parachute training. 

Bill Guarnere and Joe Toye are always up to something. Joe Liebgott, a skinny little guy often joins in but his loud mouth sometimes makes Dick cringe. They get into arguments way too often but even during the loudest of those Dick has seen them flip a 180 and go defend a guy from Echo who’s being ambushed by a couple of bullies from Zulu. Liebgott bickers with another dark haired guy – one David Webster. Webster is like Nixon – comes from money, an Ivy League school and estranged parents. His bickering with Joe is well-known and legendary throughout the company. Dick can’t quite pinpoint the reason for it but it takes a smack over the head from Bull and they both shut up.

Bull Randleman keeps to himself but he is a presence that makes guys give him way and respect him. The fact that Bull could probably kill most of these guys with one hand doesn’t help. Echo boys know better and tease him every now and then only to be stopped by Johnny Martin who has a talent for glaring holes into skulls of others. Dick thinks that it’s the way Johnny plants his feet and crosses his arms. Then he just raises an eyebrow and the person in question shuts up fairly quickly.

Popeye is another skinny little guy who’s well-liked by everybody. He knows when to step into a conversation to avoid a potential disaster between guys. 

Frank Perconte sticks together with their resident comedian and an overall great guy – George Luz who always knows how to keep the spirits high. He’s never short for a word and comes up with smokes or chocolate bars seemingly out of nowhere to trade or simply offer a guy who’s feeling down. They would be lost without George Luz.

Smokey Gordon and Skinny Sisk tend to stay close to Floyd Talbert and Don Hoobler. They have practically adopted Shifty Powers, a quiet guy from Virginia who is the best shot in the company and has been noticed by higher ups as well. 

There’s Don Malarkey and his partners in crime – Muck and Penkala. Their resident medics – Spina and Eugene Roe (everybody calls him Doc anyway) have bonded closely, tending to keep to themselves. 

Dick finds himself in the company of Nixon more than anybody else. Carwood Lipton is another addition to the duo and when Harry Welsh gets transferred to Echo, he becomes a welcome addition to the officers’ tea party. They spend long evenings together, playing cards and drinking whiskey while Dick reads a book and keeps to his coffee allowing Welsh and Nix to tease his life choices. Lipton just smiles at that, looking longingly at the door and beaming when another dark haired head appears.

Ron Speirs is a guy from Foxtrot who hasn’t found compelling companionship within his own company, requested a transfer and plays cards with Echo officers. He fits right in, Dick thinks. They are one hell of a bunch. He knows he’s now serving in the company of heroes. Courage, he agrees, is not thinking that fear is non-existent. It is simply the recognition and understanding that fear is not the most important thing in life. Every day has to be a celebration of life at least some way and that is what Echo boys do.

He comes to terms with his attraction to Nixon before they get to actually be deployed to an actual assignment. His heart does a little flip whenever they are close and at first Dick doesn’t pay attention to this development but he catches Lewis staring every now and then. He dismisses it again because Nixon is married but this strange feeling doesn’t go away. Dick wants to talk to him about it but how does one approach such a delicate subject while being in the army and risking not only being punched in the face but also the career in the military. He spends waking hours trying to understand his feelings while doing calisthenics or PT, even in classroom instruction hours, Lew’s dark eyes sneak in Dick’s thoughts and dreams, making him fidgety. He still spends time with Lew and they are on duty together more often than not. They find time to walk the perimeter of the camp after dark when they talk about nothing in particular. 

“You’re awfully serious over there, Dick,” Lew’s voice invades his personal space one evening while they are outside. A cigarette is dangling from the corner of Nixon’s mouth and he’s in a good mood. 

Dick offers him a smile and a shrug. What is he supposed to say? He is not going to lie since his ears would turn as red as his hair and Lewis is not an idiot. Besides, he’s a terrible liar anyway so this scenario is off the table before even being introduced. They know each other for a short time but Dick knows – he has found a friend for life.

“Just thinking, Nix,” he eventually has to figure out an answer and this is the only thing he can manage. 

The look on Lew’s face makes him swallow hard and take a deep breath to calm his racing heart. They are away from prying eyes and Nix stubs out his cigarette before taking out his ever present flask and taking a sip from it. They are suddenly so close that Lew’s breath is tickling his cheek and Dick feels his cheeks burn. The little butterflies in his stomach are going crazy but it is not an unpleasant feeling after all.

“I think I’m going to kiss you now,” Nixon’s voice is low and dangerous and warmth spreads through Dick’s body, pooling in his groin and he only thing he can do is nod, before Lew’s lips seal over his own.

It tastes of whiskey and cigarettes and dark chocolate and Winters knows he’s lost. Lew’s lips are nothing like the girls Dick has kissed back in Lancaster. They are dry and cool and Lewis clearly knows what he’s doing. They break apart for air and rest their foreheads together there for a moment, breathing hard and laboured. 

“Lew…” Dick murmurs because his voice isn’t working anymore. “I’ve never… this is insane. We can’t…”

Nixon sighs, tracing Dick’s jawline with his fingertips before he steals another kiss.

“It’s ok, Dick. It’s going to be all right, I promise you” and for some reason that is all the reassuring Dick needs to nod and put his trust and his life in the hands of the other man. It is almost a primal promise between them and it might not be sealed in blood but Dick knows that he is in love.

“I can’t put this before my duties, Lew.” he falls silent. I love you, he wants to say but he doesn’t. 

“I know,” Nixon takes a breath and allows his fingers to slide in the auburn hair he has grown to love. “I will kiss you again when we decide to leave then….”

Dick’s hands are shaking slightly and Nixon covers his fingers and squeezes them lightly. There is something very serious in his eyes and Winters thinks that this might be the only time Nixon has not used sarcasm or irony as a defence mechanism.

“You are confused,” it’s a simple statement from Lew who has lit another cigarette and allows his fingers to slide between Dick’s own and doesn’t let go. “Talk to me, Dick”.

“You’re married,” is the first thing he gets out and Nixon’s laugh is bitter. “I know, right? How terrible of me. But you already know I’m not happy in my married life”.

“Is it because of this?” Dick waves his free hand between them, not letting go of Lew’s fingers.

“Because I’m gay? Yes and no. We stopped getting along a while ago but being attracted to you convinced me that there is no future in my marriage. And I know you would never allow me to cheat on Kat anyway”.

“We should go back,” Winters leans in, steals a kiss and lets go of Lew’s hand.

Maybe this can actually work when they decide to leave the military. If they get to leave before being killed on some remote island somewhere. He doesn’t even know if Lewis believes in love in general. He often talks about how unhappy his marriage is and if it wasn’t for the kid and their respectable families, they would have gotten divorced a long time ago. Besides, Winters is raised among Mennonites and his values are set in stone even if Nixon has been rubbing off on him and started to soften the hard edges. He has always been expected to be chaste and being married means that he's going to be monogamous and faithful, marrying the right girl and eventually providing his mother with grandkids. His feelings for Lewis make him think that the last part of it might be off the table. 

They try to distance themselves for a while but it clearly doesn’t work because they still share meals and their beds are next to each other. They exercise together and discuss strategies, sitting side by side. Nothing seemingly has changed, except every now and then Lew’s fingers find his own when he’s made sure there are no prying eyes.

Dick is happy with that.


	2. Defenders Of Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After war zones and mine fields, they finally get to go home. It's an ending of one story and a beginning to another one.

Serving with a bunch of guys he respects and trusts is easier than he has anticipated. Time flies when you’re on active duty, following orders and trying to change the world. He thinks this is the life he wants to live for a while. 

He’s at breakfast earlier than usual before Lewis navigates his way over and sits down, clearly not yet awake and grins at the rest of the guys around their table. There are a couple of fighter pilots among them but Winters has no idea what they are doing there in the first place.

“Morning, boys,” Nixon grumbles and sips his coffee, obviously stifling a groan of pleasure, making everybody snort. Dick hides his grin behind his own coffee.

“You don’t look awake yet, sir” one of the guys, clearly a new addition to the group, allows himself the opportunity of teasing Nixon who just waves his hand in response.

“Yeah, yeah, Masters. Do you know what is the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?” Dick rolls his eyes when the guy Nix addresses shakes his head and looks at the officer expectantly while the other guys try to hold their laughter.

“A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.” Nixon adds, finishing his coffee and nodding to Dick who follows while the rest of the table howls with laughter and the new guy’s ears turn beet red. Most of these boys are used to Nixon and his antics. 

“Did you really have to do that, Nix?” Winters asks while they get rid of their trays and Nixon just grins for an answer. 

“Come on, he was practically begging for a conversation so I have him one”.

When two days later they are on their way to a rescue mission in Lebanon, Dick plays this conversation over and over in his head. It makes him feel safe and his nerves don’t act up at all while following and giving orders. It’s ugly and it’s fast but very soon after they end up being sent from place to place, waging wars to keep peace.

He loses track of time and sometimes forgets to write home. Nix never writes home and only shrugs when Dick finally asks.

“My parents were not too happy when I joined up. Said they wanted more for their baby boy. So I don’t burden them with war stories” there is a note of sadness and bitterness in that so Dick doesn’t ask anymore. He reads Lewis his own letters and the ones he receives from home. They get used to army food and not having a decent shower every day. 

War zones are ugly. His boys mostly get through them without serious injuries but there are casualties none the less. They prove every day that war and conflict never proves who is right, only who is left. He doesn’t understand the necessity of powers to push and probe countries and then send ten thousand souls to be damned for the eternity. Some men never come back from a war zone.

Iran is a failure from the start. It’s a screwed up job and Dick thinks he could use a holiday. He’s ready to go home, he realizes one early morning. He wants to go home and take a bath and have something that actually tastes like coffee. He needs a break from military conflicts, army politics and botched rescue missions ordered by governors and senators who couldn’t find their head up their backsides with both hands and a torch. 

He expresses his thoughts to Lew who grows silent and lights a cigarette. Nixon is on the intelligence payroll and Dick knows they wouldn’t want him to go. Lew is a great tactician and knows his job inside out. He’s quiet as a lynx and knows how to work a map and pick locks and steal valuable intel. He’s managed to shine in the eyes of the higher ups and Dick understands the importance of this man in the eyes of the military. 

“They are not gonna let me go without a fight,” Nix eventually says. “Hell, they are not going to let you go without a fight, your highness major” and Dick blushes because he thinks the promotion has been unnecessary.

He’s tired. Mad at the world and tired. He stops writing letters home because there is nothing to write about. He’s left feeling angry and this anger becomes his second nature. Winters is angry at things not done properly or not done right. Nothing but perfection is acceptable and since it’s hard to come by, he just stays mad. He knows this experience is going to make him a better man but perhaps it is already enough. 

He thinks he has served his country and his countrymen enough. War zones have lost their charm and their glamour as well since they are only romantic once one is far, far away from them. 

“What do you think you’re going to do when we get out?” Lewis asks his tone neutral but there is anxiety in his movements.

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it quite yet. Have you?”

“What do you think about New Jersey?”

“What about it?”

“Well, you know… Hey, do you know why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New Jersey?”

“Oh for Pete’s sake, Nix,” Winters groans.

“Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin” Nixon finishes anyway, laughing at his own joke and Winters finds himself smiling despite the fact that Nixon has no taste in humour when he’s trying to divert a serious conversation to a more neutral ground.

“I think New Jersey suits me just fine, if you’re offering,” that makes Nixon take a sharp breath and his eyes look into Dick’s amber ones and he suddenly looks ready to pounce.  
“Lew…” Winters warns him, nodding at other guys sleeping not too far away from them.

“New Jersey then,” Lew sighs and turns his attention to his cigarette and his flask, in the end putting away both, for a second looking like a petulant child rather than a decorated army Captain.

They do manage to get out almost together. Most of their boys have left the army a year earlier and they have exchanged addresses and promised to meet up when everyone is back Stateside. It sounds like a promise and it keeps Dick going. Before they are discharged, they get shuffled back to the States and put to work in Fort Benning once again. He is mostly in charge of the new recruit training while Nixon tries to teach them tactics and map reading among other essential skills. 

“Break them in,” Nixon says on their morning run and his eyes twinkle in a way they have not in a long time.

Winter thinks he’s teaching the young birds how to fly.

Training the new guys is a pleasant change and he enjoys being able to keep up with them, still outrun them and lead them in sports. Lewis just enjoys outsmarting them ad embarrassing the new boys as often as possible clearly delighted by every successful occasion. He manages to start a bar fight by one of his jokes not going down so well and get out untouched, clearly very proud of himself. He’s grinning from ear to ear, swaying a little while Dick tries to make him feel guilty. 

The day they both get discharged makes Winters happy and sad at the same time. Once a paratrooper, always a paratrooper, he thinks, getting on a train, wearing his dress uniform, Nixon following soon afterwards.

“Thank God we are going home,” Nixon murmurs, sitting, no, more like falling down, putting feet on the opposite seat and getting comfortable. The way he falls asleep would make anybody envious.

The idea of going home makes Dick giddy with joy. He’s ready for some peace and boredom. Besides, being with someone like Lewis means he can never be bored since Nixon sometimes is a cross between a toddler and a puppy. There is deep warmth spreading around his heart when he looks at Lew while he tries to get comfortable on the train.

He thinks about their boys, now anchored down in San Francisco and inviting them for a visit as soon as they find an ounce of free time. They have exchanged several letters back and forth. It makes Dick think about boys and the way many have found companionship with each other because of war and because it’s easier with someone who understands the war and everything it creates and leaves behind. 

Dick suspects that Lewis is more open and straightforward in his letters. He has found a connection with the guys, different from Winters. Being a commanding officer has put a distance between them but Lewis as the intelligence staff has gone around this and built deep friendship. He talks about it freely but never talks about relationships out in the open. 

Only when they are safely out of earshot and prying eyes he tells Winters quietly how Liebgott and Webster drift together because they both speak a form of German. Babe Heffron, coming in the unit later, has found a mentor in Bill Guarnere who in turn introduces him to both medics on the team. They spend time together, using Heffron to help them sort out medical supplies and distribute candy from the rare care package floating in.

Buck Compton, another officer, talks baseball with Bull and John and it helps him avoid combat fatigue. He’s the officer Winters trusts to keep the company together in case something very serious happens. Dick is not stupid and definitely has eyes. He notices that Ron’s features soften when he speaks to Carwood who seems absolutely unaware of the fact that he might be the only one not afraid or intimidated by Ron.

These little details he sees and hides deep in his mind. He keeps them to himself and shares only with Nixon.

“Do you think it’s going to be different now that we are not an army unit anymore?” he asks, nudging Lew’s knee and receiving a rumble in response.

“We’ll always be Echo, Dick,” Nixon says, stretching and pulling out his flask, offering it to Dick at first. 

“Since when do I drink?” he asks, smiling. It’s one of the first conversations he had with Nixon after their meeting.

“If I thought you’d drink, I wouldn’t offer it to you,” Nixon winks and takes a sip of what no doubt is VAT 69. “Army or not. You read Carwood’s last letter. They all live somewhere close to each other and have opened a bar together, for God’s sake. I’d say they have separation issues but I get to take you home today so I might be biased”.

Dick feels his cheeks burn and he looks out of the window to try and hide it but Lew is laughing. Some things are never going to change and Nixon is one of those. Perhaps that is one of the reasons Dick is so fond of this impossible man whose grin is all teeth and eyebrows alone could be a character in a gothic novel. 


	3. Harmony Without Restrictions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Combat zone to New Jersey and everything has to happen for the first time sometime.

New Jersey becomes their anchor place for a while. They work at Lew’s father’s firm and occupy two rooms in his parent’s house. It gives Winters the time he needs to understand that he is still in love with Lewis Nixon but now it seems that it was easier in the army.

Lew isn’t adjusting well to civilian life. He drinks more and Dick is honestly worried about him. They fight about it… but not as much as Lew fights with his family. 

Family.

Coming back seemed easier before they did. Dick had forgotten that not only Lew’s parents are not the biggest army cheerleaders but that Lewis is actually married and has not only a dog but also a kid. He is quickly reminded about it when the whole welcoming committee as there when they step off the train. 

“Mother, Father, this is Richard Winters,” Lew introduces and Dick shakes hands with Lew’s family. 

His wife is another matter. Winters doesn’t like her and she clearly is no fan of him either. Maybe it’s because her attitude is chilly from the moment they meet and Dick has no idea why. It is also pretty obvious that her relationship with Lew is not the happy marriage Dick was expecting and dreading a little.

They start arguing and one of these arguments in the dining room is just too much and Dick excuses himself and disappears in the garden, going for a walk before his head explodes. 

“You should have taken your coat, it’s getting colder,” Lew’s voice suddenly is right there and Dick smiles.

“It’s not that bad, Nix.”

“I’m sorry you had to witness that. Me and Kat… we’re getting a divorce” It’s a confession that makes Dick stop and look at Lewis with wide eyes.

“Oh, Lew, I’m sorry,” it sounds lame because he’s not sure how to express his own feelings about the subject. 

Is he happy about it? No, because he’s a friend and a divorce is never a trivial matter. It involves practical and emotional issues of both involved parties and there is no winner, not really. But he can’t help but feel a tiny bit relieved and hopeful at the same time. Nursing and guarding his feelings for Lewis has become an almost Herculean task and Winters is not sure how long his patience, his strength and his nerves are going to last. Every time Nixon flirts with someone, Dick’s heart constricts painfully even though he stays silent on the subject. Flirting suits Lewis though. It is his second nature that keeps him grounded and his confidence levels up. 

“Don’t worry about it. Neither of us has illusions about this marriage. Besides, she doesn’t love me and I don’t love her either” Nix falls silent and grabs Dick’s hand.

“Lew…” it sounds like a plea in the darkness and Nix leans in to kiss him.

It soft and it’s sweet. It’s like their first kiss all the years ago in the darkness on the training grounds. Winters is sure that he can be all right if this is the only kiss they are going to share – away from prying eyes. The revolution in sexuality and sex has hit the world and it has become easier for people like them but Dick’s thoughts automatically shift back to their parents and he’s silently glad about the dark shadows hiding them from the lights crawling towards the garden from the big house.

“I love you, Dick. I’ve loved you for a long time and damn if I’m going to stop now that I can actually be here and love you the way I want,” the determination in Lew’s voice makes Dick’s stomach do a little flip.

“I thought you didn’t want to… you know,” he whispers and knows he’s blushing.

“You’re nuts,” Nixon says and kisses him again. “Do you, I mean, do you want to be with me? Properly, I mean. Do you want to date me?”

“Of course I do… but it’s not going to be sunshine and roses… your parents might not be too happy about your divorce but what are they going to say about us?”

“I’m not going to tell them. The boys are asking us to come to San Francisco and my father has business interests there. We can go there and find a place…” Nixon says all in one breath and Dick has to laugh.

“Lew, slow down. We can’t just leave like that. We have responsibilities and there are things to do and…”

“But we can go. We’ll go and then we’ll stay. Make good old pops some good business. Leave it to me. Are we going or not?”

Richard thinks about responsibility, moral ethics and implications. He thinks about all the paperwork he has to finish before he can actually leave, wishing seemed as easy as Nix paints it to be.

Maybe this time he is actually ready to close his eyes and take that step over the edge. Having Lewis Nixon for a parachute seems like a good enough safety net.

So that is how it is. Winters follows Lewis to San Francisco. They stay in a hotel for the first night but Lewis insists on renting an apartment. 

It’s not too luxurious but it’s a spacious two bedroom place with a lovely kitchen and windows that light the place up and make it seem bigger. It makes Dick feel warm and more in love than before since it’s something they now own together even if Dick still just “rents a room there”. Neither of them has owned anything since they joined the army and this is a good start. 

The first evening in their apartment is absolutely romantic. They make dinner together and Dick actually has a glass of wine, feeling buzzed afterwards, much to Lew’s delight. 

He leads Dick to the bedroom and proceeds to undress him. 

“Lew… I’ve never…” his voice isn’t working anymore and his hands are trembling. He is aroused and suddenly shy and maybe even a little scared.

“Dick,” Nixon murmurs, biting down on his neck, making Dick moan. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do and, besides, you’re half drunk and I’m not gonna take advantage of you while you’re not absolutely sober, ok?” his hand slides over Dick’s cheek and squeezes the back of his neck in a reassuring manner.

It calms Dick down and he kisses Nixon again, allowing his hands to find the buttons of Lew's shirt open them and slide the shirt off Lew’s shoulders. The skin under his fingers is smooth and silky and he explores it, enjoying the muscles and sliding over Lew’s nipples, making the other man moan.

“You are wearing too much clothing,” Nixon murmurs, sliding his lips over Dick’s jaw and biting his earlobe lightly, before sliding down over his neck, settling down on a spot where Dick’s neck meets his shoulder, sucking lightly.

Warmth pools in Dick’s stomach and he’s so aroused, it’s painful. He’s aware of Lew’s erection against his leg and he wants to reach down and touch it but Nix is faster. He helps Winters get rid of the rest of his clothes and takes his hand to lead him to the bed. They look at each other for a while before Lew kisses Dick again, allowing his tongue to slide over Dick’s lips.

When they part, he groans, allowing his tongue to slide in and explore the other man’s mouth and moans at the contact. He’s been dreaming about this moment and, oh hell, it’s better than he’s imagined it. He’s been thinking about this for a t least five years and it’s hard to believe that they are actually here. Dick is nervous, Lew can tell and he doesn’t blame the guy. He remembers his own first time all too clearly.

Nixon pulls away and strokes Dick’s cheek. He presses soft butterfly kisses to his cheek and forehead.

“I said I’m not gonna do anything you don’t want to. Do you trust me?” 

“I do, you know I do” Winters says, his voice shaky.

“Then relax and let me give you something nobody has given you before,” he grins.

“I want to make you feel good, too…” Nixon doesn’t let him finish, kissing Dick again, feeling the other man relax slightly.

“You make me feel good just by looking at me like you do” and he absolutely means it, voice dropping down to a husky whisper. “Let me touch you, Richard. Let me do what I’ve dreamed of doing to you since the first time I laid eyes on you”.

“This is not the first time you’ve ever seen me without clothes on, but somehow it feels that it is” Dick is blushing and it makes butterflies flap their little colourful wings in his stomach.

Lew dips his head down to flick the teased nipple with the tip of his tongue. The heat in his gaze when he looks up makes Dick shiver with anticipation. 

“And you’re even more beautiful than I imagined, and believe me, I’ve spent long hours imagining you naked like this... with nobody judging me about how long I look at you” he says, reaching down and cupping Winters in hand.

When he got to take Dick home after they got discharged, Nixon had allowed himself a dream. A tiny sliver of hope, a distant possibility he had carried with himself through warzones and conflicts. That night he got to kiss Richard Winters for the first time after pining after him like a teenager, his world got mashed through a blender. He tries to remember the taste of Dick’s lips, the texture and softness of them but it eventually fades. Being so close to Winters every day seems like agony at first but Nix just shoves his feelings in a tiny corner of his mind and tries not to think about them for a while. It helps and soon they are back to their usual selves. Lewis Nixon promises himself to kiss Richard Winters when they get discharged from army. Even if both of them are like hundred years old. 

And here they are - naked, aroused and together. Sex is nothing new to Lewis but Winters, being the straight-laced stand-up guy is absolutely new to this and Nixon doesn’t want to screw up. Relationship with Richard Winters is the only thing that is important in his life and he has promised to be the best boyfriend possible. He allows his eyes to slide over Dick’s body, taking it in. Even if he’s seen it a million times, this time is completely different and Lew feels like he’s discovering it for the first time. He’s the most beautiful creature Nixon has ever seen.

Dick has no experience when it comes to sex but he trusts Lew. 

The feathery touch of Lew’s fingers on him is almost more than he could take. Dick had never considered himself overly sexual before, but just knowing the man he loves is with him, urging his body to surrender to him, causes Dick’s muscles to tighten and release to creep closer with each touch.

“Oh god, Lew… I’m going to…” but he doesn’t manage to finish his sentence. Lew leans down and takes the entire length of him in his mouth.

It's all too much, and at the same time, not enough. Dick’s hips thrust up involuntarily, Lew being with him all the way. He sucks gently, allowing his hand the soft strokes at the same time. Then he looks up, their eyes locking and it's more than Dick can take, trying to warn the other man but his voice is not responding to issue any warning at all. Lew doesn't pull away, taking Dick's release like a precious offering to the gods. It leaves Winters spent, panting and boneless and Lewis grinning from ear to ear. He crawls back up Dick’s body and gathers him close, stroking his own erection with a practiced ease, leaning in to kiss Winters.

Dick tries to put all his love and gratefulness into the kiss and it’s not long before Lewis moans and comes all over his hand and Dick’s stomach. They share a lazy kiss before Lew gets up and finds a wet towel to clean them both up before crawling under the covers and pulling Dick close.

“I love you, Lewis Nixon” is the last thing Dick says, before he drifts off.

“I love you too,” Nixon whispers, pressing his lips to Dick’s temple.

They met in the army, went to a war zone and came home in one peace. It has come close on more than one occasion and Lew’s hand settles over Dick’s heart, feeling the rhythmic beating as he drifts off as well.


	4. The Next Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a reason, he thinks later to himself, why they are here. They drift towards one another like icebergs in the cold seas, and if they can be each other's support system, it's OK.

Winters wakes up warm and content, the events of the previous night flooding his brain and making him blush deep crimson and bury deeper under the covers. His head is pillowed on Lew’s chest, the soft hair tickling his nose and he allows fingers to slide into it, playing with it, and receiving a grumble from the other man.

Mate, Dick caught the thought passing through his brain and he pressed a kiss to Lew’s chest, allowing his tongue to slide over a nipple. It’s primal and sensual and nothing like Dick Winters at all.

He had never been this close to another man and while in the army; his mind had been on other things. It maybe should feel disgusting, wrong or weird, but this was Lew and it just felt like coming home. He was still bloody nervous about the whole sex thing, but he trusted Lewis. 

Nixon had seemed more relaxed here than the whole time they had spent at his parents’ place and Dick didn’t blame him. This maybe was their first step to building something together. It was something that had been born in a battlefield, but grown into something soling and something important. 

“You’re thinking too loud,” Nixon murmurs, kissing Dick’s hair and pulling him closer. “It’s too early. Go back to sleep”.

They doze for couple more hours before Dick decides to get up and start breakfast. His army habits are drilled into him so deep, he can’t really sleep long past the usual zero five thirty mark and coffee sounds like a good idea. The idea of buying groceries might have been the best idea in the whole wide world and means that they don’t have to leave the flat today… or at least not yet.

The smell of coffee lures Lewis out of bed and he comes into the kitchen, hair messy from sleeping and eyes not completely open yet. He wraps his arms around Dick and presses a kiss to his neck.

“Mm…good morning,” his voice is still full of sleep and Winters smiles fondly.

“Morning, the coffee’s almost ready. Toast?” he offers, pouring both of them a cup of coffee and leaning back in Lew’s arms.

“Please,” Nixon says.

They have breakfast in comfortable silence and Nixon offers to wash the cups and plates afterwards. 

“I thought we could go actually meet the boys tonight,” Nixon suggests after they have both taken a shower and he’s trying to decide what to wear.

“You didn’t finish telling me about this bar they’ve opened,” Winters says, buttoning his shirt and sliding fingers through his hair one final time.

“Yeah, Carwood send me the address. I thought we could give them a call and meet up for drinks,” it sounds like a great idea after the day they have planned today.

It’s business, but it has to be done in order to actually justify them being here in the first place. And if it means branching out and differentiating, there is no time like the present.

“Dick? Are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah…bar…after work with the guys. It sounds good if they are available. Do you want to call Carwood while I’m at the board meeting today?”

“Yeah… oh yeah, I forgot. Sure, sounds good. I’ll go flirt with the secretaries,” Lewis adds innocently and avoids the pillow flying towards his head, laughing. 

They spend the day in meetings and have lunch with possible new business partners. Lewis is bored, but he’s exhibiting an amazing level of patience, asking all the relevant questions and falling silent when the topic of conversation becomes too detailed. He’s clearly more interested in his glass of VAT 69 than a possible new business venture, creating new opportunities for his father’s company, but Winters doesn’t mind since Lew is on his best behavior. 

He takes Dick out to dinner after all the meetings are finished and Dick has spent an hour on the phone with Lew’s father. After dinner, he gets them a taxi and gives the driver the address of “Currahee”. Winters finds the irony in the name of the place straight away, and huffs out a laugh when they arrive.

“Currahee” is a bar which Dick would have missed during the day and if Lewis had not pointed it out. It doesn’t look too special or different from a thousand other bars in the city, but Dick would recognize the sign anywhere. They head inside and Dick is greeted by half of his company from the army plus a couple of additions and it makes him stop dead in his tracks and blink before anything gets registered in his brain again. He knows he’s pleased to see them, but it has been quite some time and now he suddenly feels out of his depth and unsure of himself.

“Babe, my man!” Lew’s voice is cheerful and the red haired guy behind the bar sends them an open and wide smile before sliding a drink Nixon’s way.

“Lewis! It’s good to see you! You too, sir” and there is nothing else but joy in his voice to which Nixon grins and leads Dick to the bar where they sit down.

“What can I get you, sir?” Babe asks, grinning at Winters who grins back.

“I think I’m up for a beer and don’t call me sir. We’re just civilians now, Babe,” they shake hands on it, and Babe gets Dick a beer.

“The rest of the guys are on their way. Most of them are here every other evening anyway, but it’s going to be very cool to have you two here as well,” Babe says before he apologizes and serves another customer. 

The place is decorated with taste and there are memories from the army on the walls. He looks at the picture of the company, taken right after they got their jump wings and his throat suddenly constricts. The ones they lost are still there, though. In that photograph they are all together and his eyes suddenly sting. He feels Lew’s hand squeeze his shoulder.

“Hey, you all right?” he asks, voice filled with concern.

“Yeah, sorry. I just need a second,” Dick says while he tries to get his breathing under control.

“We miss them too,” it’s Babe’s voice, cutting through the silence. “But when we were decorating this place we thought it would be nice to remember everyone, you know? Have them watch over us” and there is sadness in his eyes.

“I think it’s great, Babe. The place looks really good” and Babe beams to that.

Lewis sips his whiskey and grins when the door opens and a bunch of guys pool in, deep in conversation with one another.

“I might have left out a thing…or two about this place” Lew says, leaning close, voice teasing, but Dick sees through this man he has fallen in love with so hard there is no way back.

“I love it, Nix. I wouldn’t want it any other way” and there is a freedom to his feelings. Winters has not felt this free with anybody too long. Everything is falling into place and he gets up to greet the guys with hugs and handshakes and laughter.

They all end up at one big table made out of several smaller ones pushed together. Babe has closed down the bar for the night and there is food and drinks and happy chatter and they all realize there is a community being built right at this moment. They all know that most people would still lynch them if they found out, but on the other hand, strength is in numbers and nobody is complaining.

“You’ve done well,” Winters says to Carwood when they step outside and the other man blushes under praise but offers Winters a smile.

“A lot of us…we decided to stick close to one another. Because it feels like we’re family and because it… it just felt that the world wouldn’t quite understand yet” Carwood’s voice is quiet but strong. 

They say goodbye and promise to see each other soon. 

“Friday,” say Joe. “Fridays are good days to get together, right Bill?”

“Yeah, best of the best. Right, boys, I’ll see you then,” and he leaves, steady as ever.

When they return to the apartment, Dick is happy, no, he is almost giddy with freedom. 

“Can we actually stay in San Francisco?” he asks Lew, who grins in response and pushes Winters against the door, kissing him. 

“I thought you’d never ask,” Lewis breathes in his ear and Winters laughs. They have been in San Francisco two or three days, but it feels safe and it feels like home already.

“Lew…,” Winters moans when Nixon’s teeth graze his neck. “I want you.”

Lew’s eyes snap up and he becomes perfectly still, trying to figure out what Dick means by that.

“Do you love me?” he asks, voice husky and eyes blazing.

“More than I ever thought possible, Lew”

“You never cease to amaze me Dick Winters. Believe me, it will be fine. You know, if you aren’t ready for this, we can—“but Winters doesn’t allow him to actually finish the sentence before kissing Lew.

He doesn’t remember the journey to the bedroom but soon he finds himself pinned under Lew’s weight and the only thing separating them is the cotton boxers both of them are still somehow wearing. 

“You are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen,” Lew breathes, balancing himself on his arms and looking down at Winters, before leaning down and sucking on Dick’s neck.  
They manage to shake out of their boxers and suddenly there’s bare flesh against bare flesh, and it makes Dick gasp with pleasure and he hears the low growl from Lew. He’s so turned on he doesn’t think he can last very long. His breathing is ragged, on the edge of control, his erection and Lew's locked together between them.

“You’re mine, Richard. I’m going to take you now.”

Dick doesn't protest. He wouldn't be able to even he wanted to. His mouth is dry as the desert sand but his body is on fire. In silent consent, he lies down on the bed, spreads his legs, and offers himself fully. He has complete trust in Lewis even if his hands are still shaking like crazy and he can hear his heart hammering in his ears.

Lew reaches over to the night stand and digs out the lube. 

“I’m going to get you ready now, love. If I hurt you, tell me and I’ll stop.”

He squeezes the lube on his fingers and works it a bit, warming it up. Dick jumps when Lew’s index finger makes first contact with his virgin flesh, but he soon settles as Lew begins preparing his body for what was to come. He tenses a bit when Lew's finger gains entry. Nix stills, but Dick just shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “Don’t stop. It feels good. Different, but good.”

“If you like that, you’ll love this.” Lew grins and touches a place deep inside and Dick is absolutely convinced he’d been zapped with a dozen volts of electrical current. Nix adds another finger, increasing the pressure on that same spot. Dick’s hips come off the bed, and he grunts in pleasure. 

“Please, Lew,” it is a plea and by the time Lew thinks he’s ready, Dick is murmuring something incoherent and he’s not even sure what it is anymore.

Nixon slicks himself up and slowly presses inside, watching Dick’s face for any sight of pain. When he’s buried deep inside, he still once more and leans down for a kiss, allowing Dick time to adjust to the new sensation even if it takes all of his self-control to stay still. It’s been so long since he’s had sex and this time it’s even more important because he loves this man as much as it is possible.

He feels Richard’s fingers stroke his cheek and then he tilts his hips up, bringing Lew even deeper inside, causing an exquisite friction against his prostate. When Dick whimpers, Lew loses it and starts to move, trying to be slow but it's too damn hot and it's been so long and Dick looks so beautiful and Lew’s self-control absolutely snaps. Dick meets him thrust for thrust, until they are both sweaty and struggling for breath. 

“Oh God, Lew, I’m almost there,” he hears Dick’s gasp, but he makes no reply, stepping up the rhythm. He feels Dick’s release and it takes him only a few more thrusts before he moans and tumbles over the edge himself, before collapsing against Dick’s chest.

“You aren’t a virgin anymore, baby. You’re mine, and damned if I’ll ever let you go,” he manages to get out.


	5. The Street Where You Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is something bothering Dick, and Lew has to find out, before his anxiety eats him alive.

Lewis Nixon considers himself a patient man. He believes that destiny has dealt him a great hand by introducing him to Dick Winters, dragging him all over the world, and now - back to their guys in the most open and out there city in the whole United States.

The only place he could be more open about each other could be in the middle of a forest with nobody in sight, but Nixon is a city mouse. He thrives in the bright lights and fast-paced atmosphere. Besides, Dick is a saint. He never asks where Lewis is going if the latter doesn’t want to talk about it. He only wants to know if Lew is coming home for dinner. He works for Nixon’s father, and sends him precies reports on the business, often piling in long hours, but afterwards he meets Lew at the bar and nurses club sodas and coffees while Lewis drinks with the boys. Dick never complains. He chats with the boys, gets to know some of them better, observes, and the guys love it. They still treat him with respect, eveni f Winters isn’t their CO anymore.

Couple of weeks later, Lew is already talking involvement and investing in the bar, getting involved with the business. Dick doesn’t comment, allowing Lew to talk about it at dinner. He also helps the boys with the amount of paperwork they have to complete when the tax season rolls in. 

Nixon frowns, when an apologetic looking Luz drops a stack of papers in front of them one evening, almost spilling Dick’s coffee. Winters just nods and proceeds to look through them, making Lew’s frown deepen. Dick still has a day job, he still puts in the hours, and he still manages to be home and make dinner every night. They work around each other like a well oiled mechanism; sharing the life and the little things. Lewis feels almost content, if not for the fact that some days Winters jus looks sad, tired and anxious. He seems to struggle with something within himself, but Lewis doesn't know how to ask, and Dick doesn't tell. He doesn't know how to talk about the emotional side of their relationship. He continues to keep an eye on Winters, being ready for the worst but hoping for the best.

„I don’t mind, Lew,” he says, taking in Nixon’s frown, but he sounds tired again.

The boys know that pissing of Lewis Nixon is not worth the risk. If there is something Lew Nixon watches like a hawk – it’s anything that involved Dick Winters. 

He frowns again a couple of weeks later, when there are dark circles under Dick’s eyes and he actually orders a beer. Someting has been bothering Dick for a while now, so Lew’s assumption that it’s just the regular everyday crap flies under the bus and dies.

„You should take a break from work, sir,” someone says, and Nixon’s eyes snap up, before his face is split by a wide grin.

Eugene Roe, raight as rain, beer in one hand, the other around Babe’s shoulders, stands in front of their table and smiles down at Winters. They haven’t seen Gene or Ralph since arriving in San Francisco, and Nixon has asked Babe about their whereabouts on more than one occasion, receiving a shrug for an answer.

„Where the hell have you come from you sneaky Cajun?” he asks, clapping Gene on the shoulder.

„Been down to my Mama’s for a bit, and startin’ work in a hospital here in San Fran,” Gene’s southern drawl is nice and familiar and Dick always associates it with home and belonging. Eveything seems better when Gene is around.

They chat for a bit before Babe drags Gene away to talk to Bill. Fridays have turned into their social gathering days. It’s a coincidence, but Luz says that they are creating a tradition, and nobody actually argues. As if these guys need a reason to get together. They are all so different from each other, and yet they have stuck together, even when life has taken them to different business and work paths.

„You do look tired,” Nixon later says when they get back to their apartment and settle down on the couch.

„I’m fine, Lew,” Winters answers, his nose already buried in a book, but he sounds exhausted. He clearly knows that Nixon doesn’t believe him. 

„There is clearly something on your mind,” Lewis tries agin, and Winters puts the book down and turns to his partner.

They have been in San Francisco for a while now. All this time, Dick hasn’t once complained about their arrangement, patiently dragging Nixon to all the meetings he has to attend and asking for opinion when necessary. He seems settled in, so that is clearly not the reason for Dick’s mood.

His face is illuminated by the lamp, and suddenly Lewis is afraid to hear the answer. All the possibilities run through his mind at once, and he has to take a deep breath, before his imagination takes it one step too far. He absolutely cannot imagine his life without Dick Winters. It is just not an option.

„I’ve been thinking about thge future,” Winters says and Lew’s eyes narrow. „And about us. West Point sent me a letter asking to lecture a little”.

He cover’s Lew’s fingers with his own, noticing how nervous Nixon looks. 

„Lew...this whole thing is very new to me,” he gestures around the living room, „I come from a very different life, and didn’t know I could want anything different before I met you. Joining the army was the first time my life was completely upside down... and then you appeared and turned it into absolute chaos. It took me a while to figure out, that I am in love with you, and that it is going to be a permanent setting in my brain and my heart” he tralis off and sighs, not sure where this is going anymore.

„I shoot the shit with the guys, Dick, but you know I would never do anything that could jeopardize your life or your position. You know how protective those boys are of one another. It includes you too. You’re stuck with me, Dick, till they carry me out feet first”.

Winters laughs at that, and Lew feels lighter. 

„I like it here, Lew,” Dick says. „I think we can build a life here. You know, buy a house, get a dog...the whole nine yards. If being with you means adopting a herd of lost boys – so be it”.

„Dick Winters and Lewis Nixon’s home for the lost boys of Echo,” Lewis snorts and squeezes Dick’s fingers. „That also means Lip has to be Wendy, since he has already been christened the ‘Mom’... and if Ron Speirs has anything against being Tinkerbell, he’ll have to fight George’s pleading puppy eyes, and I don’t think he’s quite that strong”.

Maybe there is a life in which the destiny doesn’t punish Lewis Nixon, even if he doesn’t give up the drinking.


End file.
